cross the street when the cars are comin

Karina

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For example, Kim and Karina would make brilliant case studies for social phobia, though Kim has admittedly improved with age. I will never forget when Kim gave the verbal smack-down to a 711 worker in westminster one fine day. Whatever you do, never wrongly accuse her of anything.

Speaking of Karina, she called me last night. We talked forever. I miss her so, so much. It turns out that I'm going to be missing her for a lot longer than originally thought. She's not coming back to school in the spring. She can't afford it. She owes the school $4000 for fall semester, let alone increasing her balance even more. It isn't fair that I am getting so much financial aid when I honestly don't need it, and she isn't getting nearly as much when she needs it far more than I do... The plan is that she'll take spring semester off, work this summer, all spring, through summer break, and hopefully be able to return in the fall. But in the meantime they'll put someone new in the room with me and then when Karina comes back, they'll make me move out of the room to be her roommate again because it wouldn't be fair to make the other person move out just because I wanted to live with someone else. And that's OUR room. We were planning on staying in it until we graduated. But like I said, I miss her a lot. She's like a second sister to me, except one that doesn't wiggle her toes like she's got ADHD (that would be Kim). I told her she'd better keep-in-touch with me, whatever happens, because I'll kick her in the knee if she doesn't. That's right: I'll go all the way to California to kick her in the knee.

By the way: allofmp3.com is brilliant. It's like iTunes and MSN music, but MUCH cheaper (ranging from $.10 to $.20 per track) and I found a lot of songs there that I couldn't find anywhere else.
  • Current Music
    Nights in White Satin - The Moody Blues
What did you say?

Martha Stewart

Oh my God. Martha Stewart is one cruel bitch. "You just don't fit in"? Are you shitting me? At least Donald Trump has the compassion to leave things at a business level, but Martha brings on the personal smack down. OUCH. Yeah, this was very random.

I wasn't really watching the show as much as it was just on in the background and I was paying attention to my laptop. But I did catch one tidbit during it. The contestants were instructed to pick a fairy tale to read to children, and Martha Stewart apparently took issue with the fact that the story of Hansel and Gretel is too dark for children and parents would feel uncomfortable knowing it was being presented to their children. I happen to disagree with that. Perhaps part of the reason that children are in so much crisis these days is because we're sugar-coating everything, instead of teaching them about how the world sometimes is: dangerous. There are horrible people out there. And they may try to bake you in an oven, so run children, ruuuun!

By the way? Save Martha: The Website dedicated to helping save Martha from the current media onslaught. Now I've seen everything. I don't know, I guess they've just forgotten that websites are a form of media? But I suppose they're not onslaughting, at least.
  • Current Music
    Playground Love - Air
bootylicious

Happy New Year!!

I'm so sickeningly in-love that it scares me sometimes. And really, the fact that my relationship is relatively happy and healthy simply terrifies me. Because now that I have it, what if it goes away?

My New Year's Eve was beautiful. We ended up in the middle of The Stray, a large stretch of grass very similar to the Mall in Washington DC, except that in every direction all around it there is nothing but vast horizon. We were going to go to the club where my father plays pool and listen to the live band, but I didn't want to bring in the new year in a smoke-filled room with a bunch of strangers and loud music that I couldn't guarantee would actually be any good. Instead, the way that we celebrated was more appropriate than anything else I could have imagined. The only thing that could have made it better is if Alex had been there with his arms around me. Unfortunately his arms do not stretch across the ocean, and his eyes will not see from all the way over there what I saw tonight.

In every direction, dazzling explosions of color splattered the horizon and soared in the sky above. We couldn't look in every direction at once, so we spun in circles, our eyes raised in wonder to the spectacle surrounding us. It was amazing...

I love England. I will hate leaving it again, just as much as I hated leaving it before. I don't know what the US thinks it is so high and mighty for, because for all its power and riches, it can not compare to England in almost every other possible way. Though I will admit that Brits do not know real Chinese food. That is, they do not know real Americanized Chinese food. Because the version of Chinese food they have in England? It's gross. Oh, England. I have discovered your one disastrous flaw, and yet I still love you.

Edit: Actually, England does have one other downfall: their shameless abuse of the letter "s" and neglect of the letter "z". Organisation, anyone? Realisation? Say them to yourself and you will be quite certain that you are in fact making use of a "z" sound, not an "s" sound. For my whole life, I will not care if they stick a "u" in color and turn it into colour and the like. But I refuse to accept their exchange of "s" for "z" in so many words. My father pointed out that they had the language before us. I pointed out that we came along and improved upon it with simple logic that apparently never occured to them.
  • Current Music
    Rosas - La Oreja de Van Gogh
prima ballerina

Romeo and Juliet

I'M GOING TO SEE THE MOSCOW CITY BALLET COMPANY PERFORM (ROMEO AND JULIET) ON THE 14TH OF JANUARY AT THE HARROGATE INTERNATIONAL CENTRE!!!! Do you know how long I've wanted to see a real live ballet? Do you? So, so long.

Also, we're not going to London for New Year's Eve after all. That was already suspected, of course. Instead we're going to go bowling and then go to the club/bar where my Dad plays pool. There's going to be a live band there. Maybe they'll actually be good? It could happen.
  • Current Music
    One - Three Dog Night
i'll shoot!

London Metro Strike

London Metro Strike

I can understand the metro worker's reasons for doing this, I really can. But this is about more than just the workers and the adminstration disagreeing profusely. It's NEW YEARS EVE and this affects the entire metro area and everyone else who was planning to spend New Years Eve in London.

It's enormously selfish. If there is going to be a strike, why must it occur in a way that inconveniences everyone's celebration? It's a good way for the worker's to alienate themselves from public support. But I suppose a strike isn't about winning the support of the public. It's really just about pressuring and threatening people into giving you what only seems like support on the surface.

So much for going to London on New Years Eve... It seems Dad and I will be bowling in the New Year, instead. The Strike Zone on the base is open until 1 AM on New Years Eve, and while it can't compare to London, Dad loves to bowl. Seeing Dad enjoy himself entirely makes up for it.

... Oh. My God. I did not just see what I think I just saw. Dad was channel surfing and he stopped on a show called "The Magic of Jesus". I shit you not, the subject of the episode of this particular television program was the demonstration of a virgin impregnation. They gave the woman an ultrasound, revealing her uterus quite vacant of child, and a flat tummy. They then stood her in front of a sheet, cast her shadow through it, and chanted a few words as the shadow of her belly grew.

Lowering the blanket, they guided her once more to the ultrasound, which revealed a five-month old fetus and a pregnant, protruding tummy. Over the course of the three minutes this occured, my mouth hung open. I know it's fake, don't get me wrong. I just can't believe that anyone would begin to conceive such a spectical for public television as what I have just witnessed.

We decided to cremate Squishy. Maybe it seems strange to cremate a rat, but it makes me feel much better about it in general. I'm going to buy a lovely box for him here and take it back to the states to keep him in.
  • Current Music
    You're Beautiful - James Blunt
pout

Oh Mickey, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind.

Okay, so I've been traveling around to different "add me" communities looking for one that I want to post in (and of the thirty or so I've looked at, I've posted in zero of them) and in at least half of them I have come across (this guy). In every one of them, there is this same picture of him with his shirt off, chest bare, and that look on his face, and I can only keep thinking that he's Ron Weasley, Oriental Gigalo Style.

I'm watching What Lies Beneath on TV right now. As long as I know (you), I'll never let you live down that scream. And don't tell me you've forgotten it already. You must remember.

I'd really like to spend New Years in London and Dad and I have discussed it, but if we can't find some place to keep the dog while we're away (she's just too old to take care of herself for an entire day) we won't be able to go. But can you imagine? New Years Eve in London. The weekend after we're making plans to go to Liverpool to see where the Beatles are from and I'm REALLY looking forward to that. There will be much picture-taking.

I'm so worried about Alex. Ever since...the incident... he's been so depressed. He can't go anywhere because he can barely see out of his eye well enough to drive safely, so he just sits in his room all day watching TV as well as someone can with only one good eye. He tells me that it hurts when he sneezes, when he blows his nose, when he eats anything, when he drinks and basically anything where facial movement is involved. I don't even know how bad it is because I can't see him right now, but I wish that I could. I want to know how bad it is so that I can properly cry for him, then hold him until the tears stop. He's going back to work on saturday and I think that it will be really good for him, to help him get back out into the world again. I wish so badly I could be there for him right now. There are so many things that a phone call just can't do for someone when they need you...
  • Current Music
    Mickey - B*Witched
they were merry

David Letterman's stalking me!!


(how dare he send her coded messages through the television)

Only when you begin to question your sanity can you begin to become and finally be sane. You can't be insane if you are rational enough to ask yourself whether or not you are. In that way, those with depression/anxiety are among the sanest of people just for the mere reason that they are constantly questioning their mental health. It's unavoidable. Likewise, those that believe themselves entirely sane and sound of mind are those that are not because it is an impossible condition. It is unobtainable and claimed only by those that have lost touch with reality. We all have mental instabilities in one way or another, but that should not be equated with insanity. Otherwise, we'd all be insane.

My mind has fallen into a bottomless black pit since the beginning of winter break. It's used to reading text books, absorbing lectures, and expanding to consume as much information as my college experience can feed me. I need. some stimulation. of the mind. Before my brain corrodes into a pile of irreversable mush.
  • Current Music
    Selah - Lauren Hill
we're starving ourselves

RIP Squishy II

This has been one hell of a turbulant Christmas.

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I'd bought him Christmas presents-- a little leash to walk him with, a toy, and some treats-- and I was planning on taking them back to the states to give to him when I got back. I'm afraid to look at them, to do anything with them but leave them in the bag, because it will hurt too much to see them and know they're useless now...

I loved that rat... I'm going to miss the way he'd climb up on top of my shoulder and nestle beneath my hair at the side of my neck, and the way he'd always come to my hand when I opened his cage door, and the way he'd clean himself with his little tongue, and lick drops of water off of my finger tip so trustingly. I'll miss Karina holding his little paws and making him dance on her knee, and I'll even miss when he'd chew my stuff up. I'll miss him. There were times when I know he saw me, not just as the strange giant hovering over his cage, but the strange giant he relied on, someone that gave him love and fulfilled his needs.

Kim's going to film the funeral for me... because I can't be there. :( But it kills me, the thought of him being put into the ground. I've had pets before and we've buried them-- some hamsters, gerbils, even a cat-- and it never hurt like this before. I'm not sure why, but I think it might be because this is the first time I truely cared for something. I don't mean that I cared for him emotionally, though I did. I mean that I was responsible for his well-being, and it meant something to me to give him a good life. From the moment I rescued him from the rat lab at school, his life was in my hands-- his tiny little life was in my hands, and as long as that life was there it meant something monumentous to me.

RIP Squishy II. I loved you and there will be no other rat to ever replace you.
  • Current Music
    Follow You Down - Gin Blossoms
damn the man!

Alex, Part II

I just talked on the phone with Alex (I call him two times a day all the way from England; he's very spoiled) and my face is salty with tears. He started out the conversation with "I have to tell you something important, babe" and my mind immediately jumped to the conclusion that he had cheated on me and this was finally the time for confession. I held my breah, my heart held its beat, and I waited for him to go on and say whatever he wanted to tell me.

He went on to tell me that, last night after we talked on the phone, he went to the bar with Simon. He then explained that he spent all night at the hospital last night after getting into a fist fight with two men... He has stitches from where one of the guys hit him in the face with a small bat-like weapon with spikes, and one of his eyes is swollen shut...

It killed me. He'd promised me he wouldn't get into any fights, for my sake. He has a history of physical fights: there are scars all over his body. I'm entirely anti-violence unless it is in self-defense. This wasn't self-defense. He and Simon were just pissed off and mouthing off at these guys, when they could have just walked away and not said a word. According to Alex, walking away makes one a "chicken shit". It seems to me that chicken shits are likely to live longer, so please, let my boyfriend be a chicken shit!

I can't help feeling that this is Simon's influence. I like Simon. But Simon has a habit of getting VERY drunk and volatile if he is provoked while he is drunk, but other than that he is a nice guy.

Why are men such IDIOTS? What if those guys had pulled out a gun? What if they had shot Alex or Simon or both? What if, years from now when we have children, I have to explain to them that their father is dead from fighting like a dog in a bar? I said this to him. I know it probably hurt, but when you love someone, sometimes you have to say words that hurt to help them understand what they're doing. He told me he's not going to go to bars anymore at all from now on. After all, if you're not ever at bars, it is difficult to get into fights there.

Still, my heart is broken. I can't be there with him right now, and all I desperately want to do is hold him and kiss his wounds better...
  • Current Music
    Foolish Games - Jewel