I can't sleep. I spent the last half hour laying in bed, thinking about... everything; how jaded I feel here at school; my relationship with Alex; feeling torn between two different paths in life, two different belief systems, and my family and my boyfriend. My life is composed of opposing forces, energies at constant war with each other.
If I could just manage some sleep tonight... I'll try the meditation technique that I read about today. The basic steps were:
1) Find a comfortable place to lay down, where you will not feel sore. Be sure you will not be interrupted by anyone, either. If people are in the house, request that they try to be quiet and not enter the room you are in. Relaxing environmental music works well, but I like to use earplugs and be in complete silence.
2) Close your eyes and envision a white light encompassing your body, becoming brighter and dimmer at your will, but ultimately brightening.
3) Surrounded by that light, breathe in through your nose and hold your breath for four seconds, then release through the mouth. Do this repeatedly, and then when ready, allow your breath to fall into a steady, relaxed pattern.
4) Imagine you're lying on the beach in the sand and the sun is shining down upon your body. Imagine it warming first your feet, then your calves, your knees, your thighs, your hips, until you reach the top of your head and you feel completely warmed.
5) Bring a single thought into your mind that you want to focus on-- any thought, as long as it is singular. If it should be interrupted by an intruding thought, imagine that intruding thought being written on a chalk board, and then erase it and return to your focused thought. Do this for five minutes, or until you find that you can focus on your thought without interruption.
6) To come out of meditation, repeat this procedure in reverse. Imagine the warmth leaving your head, then your neck, then your chest, until the sun on that beach is gone, and then imagine the bright white light growing dimmer, until it fades away. When you find yourself aware of your returning senses, open your eyes.